


pretty handsome awkward

by shslry



Series: trans credence and newt [1]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Univers - No Magic, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Body Dysphoria, Chest Binding, Child Abuse, F/F, Gay Character, Gay Credence Barebone, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Trans Character, Trans Credence Barebone, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Man Credence Barebone, Trans Newt Scamander, Trans Woman Newt Scamander, Unhealthy Binding, Zookeeper Newt, brief misgendering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:17:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8945029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shslry/pseuds/shslry
Summary: Credence is very good at making it appear as though nothing is wrong, as though he’s not in pain and he’s not having trouble breathing and he’s not thinking about how much he hates his body and wants to die because of it—Credence is very good at it, and maybe if he was with Newt right now, she would be able to tell something was up, but he’s with Percy, who cares a lot but is still getting to know Credence, still feels so weird about the age difference that even though he’s allowed to, he still feels bad examining the other man too closely.////trans!credence and graves are on a date at the zoo when credence's binder starts hurting him really bad b/c he's been wearing it too long and trans!zookeeper!newt talks him through a minor breakdown





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guess Whos Gay And Trans Lads
> 
> first of all i just need to say there's totally proof of trans girl newt like i mean?? she (i'm referring to her as she since those are her pronouns in this fic) refers to herself as "mommy" to her creatures??? like i can't be the only one who watched the movie and was like HOLY FUCK MOM because newt!! is trans!!!!
> 
> this is set in a bigger 'verse i'm currently working on a main fic for where newt picks credence up after he's been homeless for like A While because his mom kicked him out on the streets after finding out he was trans and then they become roommates and move to new york b/c newt gets offered a position at the zoo and newt and tina start dating and credence and graves meet through them and graves is like "oh shit he's cute and likes guys and also is incredibly mentally ill and possibly twelve fucking years old". credence is not twelve years old he's twenty four, and yes he has still been living with his abusive mother at the age of twenty four and had to be physically kicked out for him to leave because that's? really common for abuse victims?? and it's also common for abusive parents to let their kids live with them even when they're old enough to be independent, because it allows the parents to continue to control and abuse them
> 
> instead of credence having two sisters named modesty and chastity, there's only two siblings and credence's deadname is chastity, bc i didnt want to go through the trouble of thinking of a deadname that would work given the theme in their name meanings
> 
> there is more of this coming!!! it will be focusing on credence/graves but there might be some tina/newt central content bc I Love My Lesbian Moms, and it will definitely explore more of credence's like mental illness issues b/c i got a whole damn list of what i headcanon him having, as well as newt being autistic bc? newt is obviously autistic like thats not even a headcanon??
> 
> anyway i wrote this mostly because i was procrastinating on this frank/gerard/bert fic i'm working on for my main account even though i told people i was gonna finish it like literally months ago. ANYWAY i hope you like this i guess! give me feedback please but also dont be mean to me or I Will Cry(tm)

They’ve been at the zoo for four hours now, and Credence’s binder has been bothering him about the past two.

Credence is very good at making it appear as though nothing is wrong, as though he’s not in pain and he’s not having trouble breathing and he’s not thinking about how much he hates his body and wants to die because of it—Credence is _very_ good at it, and maybe if he was with Newt right now, she would be able to tell something was up, but he’s with Percy, who cares a lot but is still getting to know Credence, still feels so weird about the age difference that even though he’s _allowed_ to, he still feels bad examining the other man too closely.

They’re sitting in the pavilion nearby the big cat enclosures. Percy is looking down at his phone, writing an email, and Credence stares at him openly, ignores the burning sensation encompassing his abdomen, thinks about a time before, his mother, just after beating him within an inch of his life, rolling her eyes at the way he’s holding back tears, asking him, _“You don’t like girls, do you, Chastity?”_ and Credence had thought about it then, thought about how, no, he didn’t like girls, but that didn’t make him straight. Thought about that, and thought about lying to her, telling her that he did like girls, wondering if maybe she’d kick him out so he’d finally be free of her, or if she’d simply kill him the next time she beat him.

“What are you thinking about?” Percy asks, drawing Credence out of his reverie.

“Oh! Um, nothing,” Credence says, blinking. If Newt had been here she would have immediately seen the lie and called him out, but even if Percy saw through it, he’s not yet comfortable questioning the things Credence says.

Speaking of Newt, she’s supposed to be meeting them here during her lunch break. Credence is considering getting out his phone and calling her when she walks up to them, dressed in her keeper uniform, hair pinned back messily.

“Credence! Percy!” she exclaims, waving her arms in the air. Percy grumbles at being called his first name, but doesn’t argue. “It’s so nice to see you, you will never guess what happened earlier, I—” she cuts herself off, briefly staring at Credence. “Actually, uh, I’ve just remembered! I need to speak with Credence alone for a moment. Sorry, Percy, if you’ll excuse us we’ll just be right back,” she says, and Credence knows he’s been found out. Once again he mourns the fact that Newt knows him so well, but he doesn’t argue when she motions for him to stand up and follow her to the corner of the pavilion.

“Credence, how long have you been wearing your binder?” She asks, bluntly because that’s just who she is.

Credence briefly considers lying, but he’s certain she would be able to see right through him, so he tells the truth. “Well… I took it off for a couple of hours around eight to shower and let myself breathe, and then wore it to bed last night, so… About fourteen hours, I guess.” Credence can’t look at Newt’s face, but knows she’s sporting some sort of sad look.

“Credence, you know you shouldn’t…” she trails off, not sure what to say.

“I know, but it’s so hard, Newt. They’re just… They’re just _there_! All the time! And there’s nothing I can do about it, I’m barely able to pay for hormones, let alone actual surgery, and if I’m going to be _honest_ with you—” he spits the word honest like it’s a curse, “—it was either wear the fucking thing to bed, or… or cut myself until the thoughts stopped.” There’s silence for a moment. He still can’t look her in the face, when a sudden, horrible thought pops into his head. “You’re not… you’re not upset with me, are you?” He’s not sure he could handle Newt being upset with him, it’s only genuinely happened a few times and both those times were positively disastrous for his mental health.

“Oh, Credence,” Newt says, and very slowly raises a hand up as though approaching a wild animal. When he shows he’s okay with it, she tucks a strand of his hair behind his ear and runs her thumb across his temple. “Of course I’m not upset with you. I’m just worried! But you’re an adult, and I’m not going to judge you for harmful binding techniques if that’s what it takes to make you feel better. Just, be careful? And promise you’ll come to me if you need to? Also, perhaps consider slipping away to the bathroom to take it off for a few minutes and let yourself breathe.”

"Yeah,” Credence says, sighing. “Yeah, okay. I promise I won’t go too far, and if I do that I’ll let you know. I think I’ll do that after we eat lunch. I was going to go over to Percy’s house after we got done here because he wanted to introduce me to an old movie, but I can cut it short so I can go home and take my binder off for a while.”

Newt reaches up for a hug, and Credence steps into his arms. “You know he won’t care if he sees you without a binder, right?” she says quietly, face tucked into the space just below Credence’s ear. “Tina told me you’re the only person he’s seemed to care about this much in years.”

“I don’t…” Credence trails off, trying to find the words. “ _Doubt_ that, but I just…. Don’t think I’m ready for him to see that. Not right now, anyway.”

Newt nods. “I understand.”

They stand there hugging for a moment before separating and looking back at Percy. He’s sitting at their table quietly, trying to be as patient as possible, clearly pretending not to stare at them. They walk back together and sit down, and Credence’s chest still aches, but it’s in the back of his mind now.

“Everything okay?” Percy asks, and when Credence answers with, “Everything’s fine,” he finally feels like he’s not lying.

**Author's Note:**

> unhealthy binding techniques is bad but the people using them shouldn't be judged for their desperation, rather accepted and comforted and allowed to make that choice if they want to. binding for 16 hours is bad, using ace bandages to bind is bad, but it's better than people killing themselves because of their dysphoria
> 
> if anyone wants to like talk about fbawtf trans/mental illness headcanons hmu @ tumblr, my url is basketballlesbian! i don't really post much about fantastic beasts over there unless its about credence being my sweet mentally ill gay trans child Whom I Will Protect or about colin farrell making ezra miller pop a boner, or outright criticisms of the movie/jkr, mostly i post memes and talk about gerard way's dick, but i'm always open to messaging ppl about it! i try to keep it off my blog b/c a lot of my mutuals don't like the movie (for valid reasons) but, again, if anyone wants to message me to talk about it feel free to do so at any time
> 
> EDIT: I FORGOT 2 SAY the title is from the song pretty handsome awkward by the used which is like not relevant at all except for just a little bit vaguely but thats what was playing when i finished the fic so


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